Aero's and Age Discrimination

I was thinking to myself lately, that it's time i discussed a serious issue, (of course with a slight humorous tone, else i wouldn't be the person you know and love :) so this early morning addition at 3:00am, sat at my dads house my young brothers happy garglings of youth just in ear's reach from his room. Tonight, or early morning whichever is best suited for your taste i would like to discuss the long dispuited topic of age. Age? i hear the tone of doubt in your voice, whatever age we are, or you are it is certain that you are looked on with critism. For teenagers my age, it tends to be immaturity and the usual issues that accompany that golden age of that age we label 'teen', the thing i don't understand is the look of the distaste i was given today when i was walking to the shop for an aero (Mint not the chocolate one that's just a ripped of wispa) a woman maybe 5o/55 was walking towards me with this bag of shopping from god knows, it was a sainsburys bag but she probably went prepared with it to Jacksons, who's bags wouldn't even live up to co-ops standards.

Anyway, i was wearing no particular threatening clober, such as a holster equipped with 9mm or a natzi branded headband. To be honest it was 9 in the morning and i had pulled on some jeans and a new jumper and even that had the peace logo on the back which until now i didn't think provoked any threat, perhaps if i was setting free two doves and wearing a replica of the popes hat she would have believed my opt for peace. Anyway, to my disgust, she crossed the road. When she actually did this, it was like a knife to my heart, i wasn't carrying a brown bag concealing a bottle of whiskey or raving in the middle of the road. No! it was 9 in the morning and i couldn't even see straight let alone attack her for her sainsbury's bag of mcol's grocerys, i was just bumbling along making sure i was on the actual path and not on the path in which an oncoming car would be travelling. All i was doing was walking, i had my earphones in, and i was squinting, not in the elton john kind of way, to any other perso

n i was just an ordinary squinting child. It just made me think, i was one of those people who just used to let those kids my age who would protest that we were looked on as if we were the offspring of Fred West, go over my head. I have grandparents and great grandparents who would never behave in such a way so i never really thought about in great length.

Just because there are those kids my age who do turn that dark path with knife crime and happyslapping, i am not one of them. The biggest threat i could ever cause is to inflict great ridicule on myself when im dancing down The Instore/Poundstretcher isles to those CD's they play with 43 year old pub singers who work as part time bouncers at the bowling alley singing there own terrifically bad rendition of James Blunt's beautiful. I could never ridicule someone because of their age, if theres a young child screaming in tesco's because their mother won't buy them a Fab! i don't look on the mother with some kind of disrespect and challenge her parenting skills, thats because for one, i ham not a mother and second because i have a young brother that age who has many a time flicked me in the knee caps because i wouldn't buy him a Bratz Lucky bag (he likes their big eyes) and i certainly wouldn't poke fun at an elderly woman edging her way through town with 17 shopping bags and a scowl on her face, im 15 a

nd i'd be wearing a scowl if i had to carry that many bags and im less liekly to break a hip. So i don't understand this culture of judging certain teenagers because on a rare occasion we sit outside the corner shop with a bottle of boost. Yes, a lot of teenagers hang out at these places and even i see that as threatening when there is a group of teenagers hanging outside thelocal off license but not all of us do that and even the ones who do shouldn't be passed off as outcasts.

I have friends whos ambitions reach well beyond what we are believed to want, i have a friend of dreams of being a doctor, another aspires to be a veternarian another an actor, one of them wants to be a marine biologist, and another wants to be a clinical psychologist and i know that if these friends of mine want it as much as i think they do. They will get it. For instance these people who see us walking towards them in the street who see us as wannabe dole-wallers with no prospects, wer'ent they teenagers once, didn't they once hang about in their youth club and curse their parents. The answer is Yes, and didn't they once have ambitons, whether they reached theirs doesn't matter what should be applauded is that we have them at all. My career choice isn't the most desirable, less is the most wealthy but its what will make me happy, and i intend to be happy. These people all did once, and we, the teen

agers, do. After all if there are those who can't have faith that we all won't turn out in prison or on the infamous dole, then their future is looking very grim. Afterall we are the future.

Sleep well

The fear of a flu of Swine and a taste for Retro

I know what your thinking 'why is this amazingly talented young woman taking precious moments out of her busy, hectic and exciting life to write pointless blogs detailing what is happening in her life just to fulfill our need to know more facts about this enigma of a person' well your right, but the thing is, i have done almost nothing over the entirety of this school holiday. Only thing that has happened is me been threatened by my mother to look excited every time she mentions the infamous holiday to ireland that tires me every single time she mentions it. At least twice a day, a moment happens where my mother will drop the bombshell that we are still going to the leprechaun wielding all-too-green country. This morning, layed in bed, with my door open i saw this object move past my room and heard this blur of sound say "wonder what the euro change is to the pound...." on the way back it was " What's the fifth colour of the rainbow?" I DON'T KNOW! But i know which colours going to be flowing prefusely from your strangled carcass if you keep insistently mentioning this holiday. I feel like a mcdonalds chicken sat in front of Ronald Mcdonald who keeps saying, ' in five minutes Wilbur, you + burger bun = me full'.

Yes, the only relief i get these days is when the mother is at work, but saying that last week she managed to trigger the television with a timer to switch to itv1 at 9:00 so i cou

ld watch that new irish cop show i didn;t know existed 'single-handed' and what a waste of my life that was. I'd rather watch season 1 of doc martin that another hour of that shit. I must apologize for how stressed and angry todays blog is, but i fear that the disease and people who have that disease that ive been poking fun of for months has finally find me. Yes dear people i am afraid its either swine flu or hay-fever, and i know which one id rather have. Lets see, dose of piriton or tamiflu hmmmm.

Anyway i have to tell someone, so i suppose it can be you. But ive just been bought the best bag ever. Most of you who know me know about my unhealthy obsession with a certain superhero, even to the extent where im debating on throwing my future children from rooves or asking them what colour my bra is (X Ray vision not incest).

Anyway, my mum said buying me a bag of superman was a bit too far because all my stationary is allready imprinted with the kryptonian god, so she bought me a dangermouse penfold bag OMG, for you who are fortunate to know what im talking about, bless you!

Anyway, im hoping to be taking my laptop with me on this ere holiday, were staying at a friends who have internet so if im lucky il let you know about the events which occur (=

Currently im listening to Blondie and eating crackerbread...Whattalife, i can just imagine the jealousy playing on your features.

God Speed

(=

Something about a celebrity...and a trip to B&Q

So, i understand iv'e discussed Michael Jackson's unfortunate dimise, Madonna's Scarecrow-like features, and a mind-blowing Guinea Pig named Clark. It has however come to my attention i haven't discussed one important name, or two names to be exact that were so geniusly formed into one mind blowing creation......Brangelina! The name that's so famous, that this preposterous word even has it's own place in Wikipedia, which many of you know is like my holy ground.

Ahh, i remember the nights that me and the mother would sit sprawled out on the sofa like intertwined animals, would order the nearest takeaway for delivery making sure we ordered enough to get the free prawn crackers, sharing my huge quilt, and watching an all night dvd marathon of Bridget Jone's Diary, Miss Congeniality and Mr and Mrs Smith. Yet never in all our sad little nights, did we ever think that Brad and Angelina relationship could escalate from an on-screen kitchen battle and a shed packed with heavy artilary. (If you've watched it, you know what i mean). The Mother, always one for doing things for others, as long as those others didn't include me, admired that big-lipped Lara Croft, for all the things she had done for charity....Donating millions to places i havent even heard off, and that i thought were invented by Disney (Like Fantasia), and adopting many children she didn't have to, but because she WANTED to...not like Madonna, who adopted children who had family and named her adopted Malawian son....David?....But she adopted these children with no family, and gave them exotic names like, Maddox.

Then IT happened, i wasn't as distraught as my mother, i didn't really like Jennifer Aniston, she was in friends? So what it was like a 12 cast ensemble, Gunther had more sex-appeal. I was quite happy in fact, two great superstars, imagine the good they could bring to the world, they could start a super-race! I was entirely ok with the whole Possible-aldulterer thing.but then it happened, BRANGELINA was born, why Jesus? why would they curse your dictionary with such made up creations, its basically angelina with a bra in front, no thought process could have possibly gone on when thinking of this......One day, i do hope my mother will come out from her grief and we can again watch marathon's of Miss Congeniality, and wonder....could my brow become two seperates like her's?

Sorry i haven't had time for a full fledged Blog-athon but im typing this on the mothers laptop because in five minutes were of to B&Q ( silent punch to the air, Whoooh) that was a bit of sarcasm for you there, i thought i'd treat you a bit...Yes, we're having the annual trip to The Range and B&Q, i don't know why, i just think The mother likes to finger aruond th Garden section and pretend we grown herbs, while i make them drop me off at the Gregs in Wheatly and have a poke around Glyn Webb...Good Times...... By the way, is it only me who utterly DISPISES Instore, it's like...Instore, the rip off of PoundStretcher! come buy our goods.

I really have to go, The vain on My mother's head looks set for popping and i don't like to be responsible, so Wish me Luck :D

Signing out]CFV

Utter Bollocks and a Guinea Pig called Clark!

So im sat here, my legs crossed with Clark layed in between them, watching some pointless show on E4 and swimming in my step dads old shirt. Anyway, lately ive been begging the mother for a pet, to which she refused, (many a time) but finally i managed to persuade her, with the use of a rooftop building and hospital gown. So they went to get him today, where the lady at the checkout of 'pets at home' thinking she was a new form of jesus for the animal world, spent half an hour lecturing the parent and step-parent on how to feed him and keep him active. While telling me this i couldn't help but exclaim 'Or it's alright, did you tell her we have plenty of house hold pets jogging it up down our way. Old Paula Ratcliffe. WHATTA STAR!' No, because we dont, im not an active person, therfore my pet isn't, the nearest he'll get to excercise is when i start training him to go for peoples necks.

Madonna, Ahh, the topic of the OAP aspiring dancer and shithouse of an actress, was in my paper today, sporting some peporami looking arm vains. What is going on with this woman, first she stars in 'Evita' thinking shes the new Audrey Hepburn, well i suppose she is, now Audreys dead, Madonnas performance is exactly like her. Then, she pops out Lourdes, who is 13 years old and the daughter of a possible billionaire and style icon, yet she hasn't been taught how to pluck those eyebrows, all things considered, i had a unibrow when i was born but i had so much head hair by the time i turned 2 months old my mum cut me a fringe to conceal her hairy childs brow. Yet Madonna cant just say to her daughter 'Listen Love, i have a reputation to keep intact, im trying to keep an image and no matter how beautiful you are, im your mother its my duty to tell you that and to tell you to get that brow plucked cos theres some serious f'ugliness going off' SIMPLE Madge!, then she goes and adopts twelve kids from Malawi, which i do think is a nice gesture to try and save the less fortunate BUT BOTH KIDS HAVE PARENTS... their not orphans, both actually have fully fucntional and certainly not-dead parents. And now she's taken it to the next level, that justin timberlake 4 minutes video sickened me (that baske!) who did she think she was jigging up and down that checkout, you dont see me jamming it up in Netto, then jumping down holding a pack of haribo and saying 'Thats it love'. NO!, but the arm thing, its over Madge, theres no respect any more, for gods sake woman you sung LIKE A PRAYER, you could have been a legend for JUST being a singer. Not some dancing-acting-monobrow-child-spurting-kid-abducting-curly-wurly-armed-singing-misfit-with-one-name-who-now-has-a-toyboy-called-jesus...No!

It was a certain Mr Wilson (not PE), who persuaded me to make another post, because he's such a pain in the arse. I was happily playing on farm town, but i had to leave my harvests for a few minutes to write this.

So any suggestions for what i should do over the holidays, i need something new. Iv'e been off school for a week and in the first weekday off i spent all day watching come dine with me on More4, playing marjong and eating 6 bags of minstrels accompanied by a day year old bottle of yazoo..I have issues people, my life consists of a giant nothingness filled only by this blog..so give me some ideas or tell me what your doing on your holidays.. If you cant leave it here let me know on facebook, and i might even write about it on my next post.

Harry Potter and Dumbledore 'The Gay?'

Currently i'm laying sprawled out on my bed and debating whether or not to delve deep inside myself and find enough energy to walk to the fridge. This is due to the fact that my lunch consisted of a double decker, a freddo, and a clump of butter soaked bread from Brad's bacon sarnie (not the most appetizing thing on the menu. Oh and in case you didn't notice <-- check out the alliteration ).

Tommorrow, should be more exciting though, Yes, you guessed it im going to see 'Harry potter and the half blood prince' god! just saying it makes me dribble a little bit. Come on, a writer like JK Rowling who created this huge franchise, that basically consists of; a scrawny looking child who discovers hes a great wizard by a hairy giant (who also stars in cracker ;) i know my shiz), a fat cousin, an uncle with a tash, an aunt who looks suspiciously like a camel and a gay headmaster. Oh not forgetting the no nostrel voldemort.... wow, if you can turn all of that into a multi million franchise with god knows how many book sales, i dont mind joining the band wagon and going to see it.

The only thing i'm not looking forward to however, is getting in.... first of all, its harry potter, lots of screaming fans with t-shirts saying 'you can use your wand on me Harry' and carrying a picture of daniel radcliffe from equus (he was naked in it :S), then, the fact that its the first screening, isn't very pleasing at all. i'm scared for my life, ive got this vision of me falling out of the cinema with torn clothing, popcorn in my eye and branding a straw on the verge of madness
screaming 'evada kedavra' to all the kids who happy slapped me in the que to get to the front.

Anyway, i am going to see it tommorrow so wish me luck (pleeeeease) and i'l be blogging about it when i get home.... Hope you enjoyed the post folks.

God Speed
CFV o

Michael Jackson, Death and Nonsense

So im sat here, with Aimee Gough, and shes doing her art project on old Jackson, it got me thinking........something i don't do often so i decided to write about it. Aimees talking bollocks and im having to listen to her, so im just writing, dreading when she sees this and thrashes my arse ;)

So basically im not really writing about jacko, just filling the page with nonsense that runs through my mind. I was just wondering how harsh it must be for your face to be plastered all over the papaer, after your dead, see Michael, never got any good press lately yet as sppn as his head hit the pavement BOOM! 'Long Live Jacko' well its too late now Daily Star cos hes conked it! I could just imagine some of the headlines poppiong up after my demise, 'Farr-Varney's Final Moments' Which would probably consist of eating a double decker amd showing my mother the contents of my mouth because shes on a diet. Another one 'Fam0us Farr-Varney chokes onm double decker while mother watches laughin and taking photos for facebook' thats the most likely scenario. Nah, i hope i die in quite a respectful honourable way, like saving an old lady from a cooplands truck or tackled by a doped up smirf.

So im quite depressed now and have realised that i have another hour before my granfather picks me up in his beautiful car and drives me to macdonalds (fingers crossed)

God Speed
Signing out, CFV o

Embarrasing Moments and Work Experiences

So, this post today is influenced by the pride i'm running on because of a compliment i recieved from my media teacher. I was debating on what to write about when I then realised, i actually had something to talk about, that although it was the most embarrasing moment that has ever been inflicted on me, but again, quite hilarious (Especially for my mother who nearly crashed the car when i told her, while simultaneously almost wetting herself).

Yesterday, was my first day doing my work experience. I was excited, at the prospect of experiencing a real career (and also because i had the excuse to buy new clothes and was looking pretty damn proffessional). Although the work i was doing, was just being an assistant for one of the teachers at my school i was still looking forward to it. I had a salad prepared, a rare occurance for me seen as though my usual pallette involves grease and fat, i had a fruit salad and even one of those cereal bars you eat in about 3 seconds. Along with this my mother had decided to put me on the volvic (That she calls the 'volva') challenge seen as though her earlier attempt failed and she caught me downing yazoo behind the summer house. It was then the volvic decided to betray me and i felt like my bladder was going to combust, i knew i was allowed to use staff toilets so i went in, noticing a strange looking object fixed to the wall.

2 hours later

I was doing good, i was feeling good, lunch was upon us and nearing to the time where i could eat my delicous and home prepared sainsburys salad. The volvic and my internal organs though, had failed me once again, so i dashed to the staff toilets, my friend waiting outside the door and oblivious to that fact that she could have protected me from the horror i am about to reveal to you.

i had dashed in the door, but there was another. I opened it slowly, eyes buring from the sweat on my brow, it was then i saw him. Him. A teacher from school, one who used to teach me geography, zipping up (i didn't see anything except his zip) I was stood there for what seemed to be hours analyzing the fact that i could not tell the difference between toilet signs and that my life would never be the same again. It was then he said

"Ladies are the ones next door, Charlotte"

So, thats my tale of horrific events for the day (all true) i suppose it wasn't horrific as it seems, infact its become sort of an ongoing joke in the humanities department, some of them involving comments such as;

"Did you not notice the little man on the door"

"Maybe in the comment section of your work experience report i should put 'cannot read signs"

or "I'm going to the toilet now miss" "Okay Charlotte, remember its the one with the stick girl in the skirt won't you"

and soon to be probably around the whole school. Maybe one day when i enter a room, there shall be a smart arse who says;

"Zip up people, Charlottes in the house"

CFV o